Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

While it is difficult to make sweeping statements about such a large and diverse group as adopted persons, adopted persons generally lead lives that are no different from the lives of not adopted persons; however, they have experiences that are unique to being adopted, and these experiences may have an impact on their lives at various times. There are several themes that emerge from personal accounts and data from academic studies about issues that adopted persons may face. This factsheet addresses these themes, which include loss, the development of identity and self-esteem, interest in genetic information, and managing adoption issues.

Loss and Grief:

The loss of birth parents as a result of adoption may set the stage for feelings of grief for many adopted persons. The loss experienced by adopted persons may be characterized as ambiguous loss, or the loss of someone who still is alive .This type of loss also may increase the feelings of uncertainty e.g., “Do I resemble my biological parents?” an adopted person feels. Adopted persons who feel secure in their adoption and have open adoptive family communication may be better able to manage their uncertainty and grief. Additionally, adopted persons may have difficulty finding an outlet because their grief may not be recognized by others. Feelings of loss and grief, as well as anger, anxiety, or fear, may especially occur during emotionally charged milestones, such as marriage, the birth of a child, or the death of a parent. Adopted persons may also suffer secondary losses. For instance, along with the loss of their birth mother and birth father, adopted persons may experience the loss of brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. There also may be a loss of cultural connection or language. For those who were adopted as older children, there may be a loss of friends, foster families, pets, schools, neighborhoods, and familiar surroundings.

Identity Development:

Identity formation begins in childhood and takes on increased importance and prominence during adolescence. Adoption is a significant aspect of identity for adopted persons, even when they are adults. The task of identity development may be more difficult for an adopted person because of the additional issues related to adoption, such as why he or she was placed for adoption, what happened to the birth parents, does he or she have siblings, and whether he or she resembles the birth parents in looks or in other characteristics. Adoption remains an important aspect of identity throughout adulthood.

Self-Esteem:  

Often accompanying these issues of identity are issues of self-esteem—that is, how the adopted person feels about himself or herself. A number of studies have found that, while adopted persons are similar to not adopted persons in most ways, they often score lower on measures of self-esteem and self-confidence. This result may reflect the fact that some adopted persons may view themselves as different, out-of-place, unwelcome, or rejected. Some of these feelings may result from the initial loss of birth parents and from growing up away from birth parents, siblings, and extended family members. They also may be caused by an ongoing feeling of being different from not adopted people who know about their genetic background and birth family and who may be more secure about their own identity as a result. Additionally, some adopted persons report that secrecy surrounding their adoption contributes to low self-esteem.

Thinking about the Adoption:

The amount and degree of thought an adopted person devotes to his or her adoption may change over time and may vary based on each person’s circumstances. For example, the birth of a child to an adopted person, which may be the first experience with a biological family member, may cause the adopted person to revisit earlier issues of identity. The new parent may also be prompted to think about what his or her birth mother experienced in giving birth and what the birth mother and father may have experienced in making the adoption placement decision. Adopted adults who become new parents may be sympathetic to the difficulties of their birth parents, or they may wonder how their birth parents could ever have placed them for adoption. In a study of adopted adolescents’ thinking about adoption, 13 percent never thought about adoption, 54 percent thought about their adoption once a month or more, and 27 percent thought about their adoption once a week or more, with males thinking about their adoption more frequently than females. Adolescents in closed adoptions were no more likely to have increased frequency of thought about their adoption than those in open adoptions.

Some of the smaller group in tread union

Some of the smaller group

UTUC: United tread union congress

Is said tobe one of the oldest and prominent among the smaller group of union. Although it is commonly said that there are four national federations, the UTUC does not fall under any of this category because its following is confined to only west Bengal and Kerala. The popularity of the UTUC in west Bengal has certain Historical reasons. The dominant component of the UTUC consists of the follower of the Revolutionary Socialist Party (RSP). It also includes smaller group such as the Bolshevik Party of India and the Revolutionary Communist Party of India. The main plank of the UTUC is the militant tread union action, which is not tied to the programs and politics of any political party. As noted Mrinal Kanti Bose is the General Secretary of the group.   They say that he was tread unionist at heart and is not a formal member of any political party as a result UTUC is not a political party rather it helps assorted  groups to stay together.

CITU: Center of Indian tread union

                It is affiliated to the Marxist communist party. Thanks to a dedicated core of activist that CITU has been pursing militant union activity, and its following has been steadily on the rise in several states.

            A recent tread in the tread union scene that political parties have begun the formation of union centers and have no clear cut economic ideology which are far from attractive to industrial workers. E.g. Bhartiy Mazdoor Sangh which is affiliated to the Jane Sangh party but does not have any economic welfare program or ideology for the workers but it’s main aim is to further their own ideology. Much more prominent example could be of DMK in Tamilnadu, where it has started tread union with party carders forming the core in the union. This strategy has helped to further its own ideology apart from various youth groups and party branches   that it has in its every village and town. Thus these union groups affiliated to political party are a means and source to spread their party ideology and less of any concern for the welfare of workers. 

Trust in God and he will stand by you!

Trust in God and he will stand by you!

"Thank you, Jesus"

        I hurried into the local department store to grab some last-minute Christmas gifts. I looked at all the people and grumbled to myself. I would be in here forever, and I just had so much to do. Christmas was beginning to become such a drag. I wished that I could just sleep through Christmas. But I hurried the best I could through all the people to the toy department. Once again, I kind of mumbled to myself at the prices of all these toys. And I wondered if the grandkids would even play with them. I found myself in the doll aisle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy, about 5 years old, holding a lovely doll. He kept touching her hair, and he held her so gently. I could not seem to help myself. I just kept looking over at the little boy and wondered who the doll was for.

        I watched him turn to a woman; and he called his aunt by name and said, "Are you sure I don't have enough money?" She replied a bit impatiently, "You know that you don't have enough money for it." The aunt told the little boy not to go anywhere that she had to go get some other things and would be back in a few minutes. And then she left the aisle.

        The boy continued to hold the doll. After a bit, I asked the boy who the doll was for. He said, "It is the doll my sister wanted so badly for Christmas. She just knew that Santa would bring it." I told him that maybe Santa was going to bring it. He said, "No, Santa can't go where my sister is. I have to give the doll to my Mamma to take to her." I asked him where his sister was? He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, "She has gone to be with Jesus." "My Daddy says that Mama is going to have to go be with her." My heart nearly stopped beating. Then the boy looked at me again and said, "I told my Daddy to tell Mama not to go yet. I told him to tell her to wait till I got back from the store."

        Then he asked me if I wanted to see his picture. I told him I would love to. He pulled out some pictures he had taken at the front of the store. He said, "I want my Mamma to take this with her so she don't ever forget me. I love my Mama so very much, and I wish she did not have to leave me. But Daddy says she will need to be with my sister." I saw that the little boy had lowered his head and had grown so very quiet. While he was not looking, I reached into my purse and pulled out a handful of bills. I asked the little boy, "Shall we count that money one more time". He grew excited and said, "Yes, I just know it has to be enough." So I slipped my money in with his, and we began to count it. Of course, it was plenty for the doll. He softly said, "Thank you, Jesus, for giving me enough money." Then the boy said, "I just asked Jesus to give me enough money to buy this doll so Mama can take it with her to give to my sister. And He heard my prayer. I wanted to ask Him for enough to buy my Mamma a white rose, but I didn't ask Him; but He gave me enough to buy the doll and a rose for my Mama. She loves white roses so very, very much."

        In a few minutes the aunt came back, and I wheeled my cart away. I could not keep from thinking about the little boy as I finished my shopping in a totally different spirit than when I had started. And I kept remembering a story I had seen in the newspaper several days earlier about a drunk driver hitting a car and killing a little girl, and the Mother was in serious condition. The family was deciding on whether to remove the life support. Now surely this little boy did not belong with that story. Two days later, I read in the paper where the family had disconnected the life support; and the young woman had died. I could not forget the little boy and just kept wondering if the two were somehow connected. Later that day, I could not help myself; and I went out and bought some white roses and took them to the funeral home where the young woman was. And there she was, holding a lovely white rose, the beautiful doll, and the picture of the little boy in the store. I left the funeral parlor in tears ... my life changed forever. The love that little boy had for his little sister and his mother was overwhelming.

CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR DAY

CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR DAY

        Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

        He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

        Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

        Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Mike, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it."

        "Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

        "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

        "Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut
away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react
to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose
to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how
you live life."

        I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

        Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

        I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?"

        I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

        "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

        "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I as going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man." I knew I needed to take action."

        "What did you do?" I asked.

        "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

        "Yes, I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity.' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

        Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Why did you doubt?

Why did you doubt?

After the multiplication of bread and fish and feeding the five thousand people, Jesus asked his disciples to go on the boat. He certainly had a clear purpose in his mind. He wanted to further strengthen the faith of the disciples in him being the son of God. As peter started walking on the water towards Jesus he began to sing the moment a doubt entered his mind. Throughout the gospel, Jesus keeps emphasizing us, the importance and usefulness of having faith, “if you have faith like size of mustard seed….. Or “Go your faith has saved you” or “Do you believe that I can do this for you”, all point towards the power of faith.

         The words of Jesus to Peter  “why did you doubt”, are the words that Jesus could be addressing to so many, if not all of us, at various times especially what we are passing through difficult moments and when we cannot find immediate solutions to our problem. We  begin to doubt, both in the power of prayer and the mighty hand of God. Even in those moments, if we could just keep our ears and moments, if would be hearing Jesus telling us, ‘why did you doubt?

It is indeed unfortunate that many of us spend so much time warring and being anxious about things over which we have no control. Jesus has made things so easy for s by repeatedly letting us about the importance of faith but by constantly demonstrating what faith can actually achieve. Jesus as stretched out his hand to rescue peter even though peter had doubted. His hand is always stretched out for us. He even did the same for doubting Thomas, he will rescue us in spite of our doubt or unfaithfulness that is Gods nature (Bhagvan key ghar may dher hotti hay lekin andhera nahi hotta). This is why St. Paul in his letter to the Romans writes,” what can separate us from the love of Christ? As Jesus gave opportunities y\to his disciples to strengthen their faith can him. He continues to do that with us every day. So let us not miss out on those beautiful moments as we pray in silence for a while and say, LORD INCEASE OUR FAITH IN YOU.

   

"Keep Your Fork"

"Keep Your Fork"

          There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important," the woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

     The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The woman explained. "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "what’s with the fork?'. Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork - the best is yet to come".

The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you, oh so gently, that the best is yet to come.

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND even if it means sending back to the person who sent it to you

I'll be there

I'll be there

 When your heart begins to break,

When your-potential is at stake,

Your ability crumbled under thy feet,

Loads of problem sit by to greet.

When every thing turns wrong and unfair,

To lend a shoulder, I'll be there.

When your hands lose their strength, 

When your might fails to defend,

Your dreams and desires lie crushed,

Your capability full of rust.

No one to love, no one to care,

To wipe your tears, I'll be there.

When your eyes seek a friend,

When your trouble seem never to end,

When your fears start taking up,

Your opportunities, other begin to abduct,

When your are left alone to bear,

To share it all, I'll be there. 

It's you and no one else!!!!

     
        The one thing that you have that nobody has else has is you. your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live only as you can.

                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                                      ------Nail Gaiman